Grow as You Go Week 2: Cultivate Positivity
Welcome to Week 2! You are on a roll, you awesome person, you!
Sticking with a new venture sometimes feels even harder than beginning one. A little of the newness dissipates and some of the shine seems slightly less lustrous. I recently heard a phrase, “familiarity breeds contempt.” And it stopped me in my tracks; it was the truest thing I’d heard in a long time. So how do we keep ourselves in motion once the initial energy burst has expired? It seems to me the answer is in the question: create new reasons for energy and excitement. If you think about it, the most constant thing in our lives is ourselves. Maybe not our shape, or our health, or our relationships, or even our mindsets. But that place where “you” live, that place right behind your eyes where you experience the world, that place is very familiar to most of us. It is our home. And just like you occasionally decorate your physical home, it’s important to reinvigorate our fundamental home by imparting beauty in your mental space.
Research shows that plants and people are particularly alike in this way. We both highly value beauty as a motivator in life. The most colorful flowers have existed this long, not because they have the fortitude of a mighty oak or the cleverness of a carnivorous fly trap, but because they tricked us into planting them all over the place by being beautiful. Magnificent hues mesmerize bees who pollinate them with the fury to fill fields! Beauty promotes life, and it comes in many forms, not just visual aesthetics. Corny as it sounds, there is even extensive evidence to suggest that playing soft music, singing, or speaking kindly to your plants helps them grow better and stay healthier. (I promise the rest of our discussion gets slightly less Crazy Plant Lady from here.) This brings me to Takeaway #1: Build beautiful environments through proactive positivity.
“Beauty promotes life, and it comes in many forms...”
Now, I want to acknowledge that there is a difference between false, patronizing positivity and proactive positivity. So to learn how to do this right, let’s first take a look at what this shouldn’t look like.
The main difference between potent positivity and powerful positivity, is where the strength lies. Potent positivity forces the recipient to deny reality and behave with a stoicism that doesn’t quite jive with, ya know, being human. We do have bad days, we do get down, we do feel flawed. To deny this is to delay healing. You could bury a diamond all day long, but it will never sprout like a seed.
Powerful positivity respects your most perfect imperfections and allows you the grace to embrace them. Powerful positivity is the inquisitive voice inside of you which allows you to hope. Powerful positivity is reactive; it listens and learns how to best comfort you. This is Takeaway #2: learn your love language.
Many people have heard of this phrase in regard to expressing their feelings in romantic relationships. When you are in recovery, however, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. So, how is love best conveyed to you? Now, do that for yourself. If your love language is Acts of Service, be sure to do something for yourself which makes you feel cared for. This may be taking a special drive to enjoy the sunset, or setting aside a special evening for a face mask and a movie. If your love language is Words of Affirmation, perhaps you write post-its with motivational messages and leave them on your mirror or desk. Maybe you make a habit of reading validating poetry or listening to a motivational podcast. Whatever your love language is, or if it’s even a combo platter of several, honor yourself by learning it and living it so that you can love yourself and your self can feel loved.
Need a little help determining your love language? Take a quick quiz by clicking here.
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
Now who here is reading this and thinking, “that’s good advice for someone who is actually loveable/cool/fun/pretty/fit/outgoing/smart, etc.?” Listen up pal, cause this last takeaway is for you! (stop looking around, yes YOU. you there, wondering if I can see you.*) Takeaway #3: receive it till you believe it. Some of us have internalized a lot of negative messaging throughout life, and that is just not something that goes away with one compliment, one blog post, or one self-help book. Sometimes, that unlearning process can take longer than it did to instill that self-doubt.
I’m going to tell you two, seemingly contradictory truths: 1) we are capable of healing, and 2) we may not reach full restoration. A great example of this can be found in, you guessed it, nature! If you’ve ever been a person in 2020, you’ve probably heard of the forest fires which ravaged Australia. (Doesn’t January seem like a lifetime ago?!) I’m sure you remember the images of devastation and decimation. It felt so hopeless at the time. But look at this photo I found of the same trees from March, just two months later. See the thriving new growth? It is possible to heal and breathe life into a new mental narrative, while allowing the embers of the old one to remain.
it’s perfectly natural to start small.
If you have a hard time genuinely accepting a compliment, or you always offer to take the photo so you don’t have to be in it, you are far from alone. But I want to deeply express how important it is for you to BE KIND TO YOURSELF ANYWAY. I know the caps are aggressive, but that’s the only way I know how to shake your shoulders through this screen! That new growth would never have stood a chance without its damaged host offering a window of opportunity in which it physically made paths for spores and sprouts to reach the surface and be nourished through photosynthesis.
Even the burned, broken, fallen tree recognizes the importance of letting light in. So you must grant yourself this courtesy. Get out of your own way and let some light in. Do it now; do it often. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when it feels fake. There’s a reason the placebo effect is practically magic. Our brains are so susceptible to suggestion, that even an impression of the truth can impact us positively. That tree probably didn’t know what life could possibly still remain within, but it fed that possibility anyway.
So if your tree is dead or dying, I want to offer you a few ways to let light in, even if it’s just to humor me.
A) Stand in front of the mirror and say something you want to believe.
(i.e. “I am beautiful. I am loved. I am someone’s most important someone.”) If you can’t do it out loud at first, try writing it down one day, saying it in your head the next, and saying it out loud after. Rinse and repeat until it feels normal.
B) List the things about yourself that you are grateful for, in your head or on paper.
Try to think of a few that are not body or work-related. (i.e. “I am studious,” “I am attentive to others,” “I am helpful,” “I am silly.”)
C) Derive inspiration from sources of objectivity.
What positive words have others used to describe you? Speak them aloud to yourself. Those people are not lying to you; while you’ve only ever seen your reflection, they have enjoyed the privilege of seeing you from a different angle.
Can’t think of positive words from others? Then let’s dial it back even further. What are your abilities? Speak them aloud. (i.e. “I can walk. I can roll my tongue. I can wink with each eye.”) Starting with the undeniable truths may seem obvious, or basic, but it’s a way to ground yourself in reality and begin to build trust that the words you tell yourself are true.
*(yes I can see you, technology is unstoppable these days. P.S. I’m loving those pj’s, honey!)
Don’t be afraid to get messy and get creative! Whatever you best think will bring beauty to your home, will be the perfect thing for you. Be gentle with yourself if it doesn’t turn out like you originally planned. In the wise words of world-reknowned artist Bob Ross, “there are no mistakes, only happy accidents.” Definitely be sure to share the finished product with us on social media! Keep scrolling for more information on how to keep up with all your Plant Pals.
Don’t forget to spread the word! It’s never too late for a friend to join you! Now you’ll have plant babies to bond over as you virtually sip Quarantinis.
To Recap Lesson II: Cultivate Positivity
Takeaway #1
Build beautiful environments through proactive positivity
Takeaway #2
Learn your love language; honor yourself by living it
Takeawy #3
Receive until you believe it; outspokenly shower yourself with kindess
Always remember the powerful positivity of words and kidness. The tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. It may not have any bones, but it has the abilitty to break a heart.
“Sometimes the best way to beget beauty is to bestow beauty. Try singing a little diddy, painting your pots, and complimenting your plants. They are great secret keepers; no one has to know! And I can assure you that if you can speak lovingly to your plants, you can definitely be gentle and kind to yourself. Plant positivity now, bloom confidently later. That is the true meaning of natural beauty.”
But wait, there’s more! Looking for a growing grooves to listen to while you paint? Want your plants to thrive and jive with some flourish-friendly tunes while you’re away? I created this Grow as You Go playlist just for us. Give it a listen by hitting play below!
If you have other positive playlist faves or fun plant tunes, please leave your suggestions in the comments and I’ll be sure to add them. Tree you next week!
About the Author
"Kymber Stephenson is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist living and working in the Greater Denver area. Her experience began with a love of food which led her to pursue a degree in Culinary Arts from Johnson & Wales University. As her love of science and helping people wove with that initial path, she continued on to a Bachelor of Science in Culinary Nutrition with a dual concentration in clinical dietetics and culinary food science.
Kymber is especially passionate about eating disorder management and prevention. In this vein, she focuses on educating clients about the multi-faceted ways history, marketing, food systems, culture, psychology, and body image affect health and relationships to nutrition, food, and body. She works with clients to truly fall in love with food again, acknowledging not only its nourishing properties, but truly embracing its comforts, tradition, and fun! Working in a client-guided manner with a Health at Every Size approach, she strives to help each unique person reach their idea of peace and satisfaction in their bodies and their overall lives. Kymber's driving philosophy is that all people deserve equitable access to quality food and evidence-based nutrition education, regardless of status or background."